Puppy Pants (Day 4)

Ahhh, the weekend. Sleeping until 8:00, eating some breakfast, watching the History Channel, falling asleep until 5:00, the good life. But I tore myself away from the glorious Sci-Fi Grendel just to come spend some time with you lovely people.

And because my dog was outside and needed a bath.
One of the WORST chores, I think. I mean, she needs one everyday in the spring because of the mud. Which there is a lot of since I live in the country and my dog spends all day rounding up the horses in the pasture (which mean it’s not JUST mud, either. You know what I mean)
Plus the fact that she hates the bathtub, it scares her, and is not very fond of water in the first place.

The first time I got her to swim with me in the pond was a miracle, she was tiny and it was about 2 weeks after I got her. This was the time when I was still calling her my little fluffy birth control, because many people know, after you get a puppy, children are pretty much out of the mind. She wanted to spend EVERY MOMENT OF MY LIFE WITH ME. Which you shouldn’t mistake for love, the problem was she was afraid of being alone. She only went in the water so that I wouldn’t swim away from her, and once she realized I wasn’t going far she went straight back onto the safety of high ground. So much for my water-guppy theories.

But I guess I knew what I was signing up for, buying a mix of border collie and Australian shepherd, she was going to be wild, fast, intelligent, obsessive, and loyal (or needy, the case for the first few months of her life)

She was also going to be an alarm clock, something I did NOT SIGN UP FOR.
I’m 16, in the summer, I like to sleep until noon. Who doesn’t? but not last summer, OH NO.
My little monster was up at 5 o’clock EVERY MORNING! I got to know the morning Disney line up very well. We always went out to potty during Lilo & Stitch, after Dave the Barbarian, but before The Little Mermaid. Ugh.

Then she wanted to be outside by 7. This was NOT happening, so for about 2 weeks I actually resorted to sleeping in the bed of my mom’s truck. This is NO JOKE. I would wake up, let her outside, grab my comforter and head out into the unsuspecting morning to sleep in the bed of a truck where the morning dew liked to pool at my feet.

Ok, so waking up outside wasn’t all bad, it was actually okay if my back didn’t hurt from the ridges, and my face wasn’t dented from the patterns.

What was bad was she didn’t even play while I was sleeping! She would wine, and cry, and scratch at me in my room if I wouldn’t go outside with her but once I was out there she would lay under the truck and sleep. SLEEP! Like we couldn’t do that inside and save my parents the embarrassment of explaining to their friends why their daughter was sleeping on the truck bed like a hick.

Not to mention the mosquitoes. They were the worst.

And I would have slept on a cot except she was at the age where chewing on me was okay. Which she did, frequently. If my hand was in reach of her mouth, it was a gonner. And sharp little puppy teeth + my arm = blood on the living room carpet. And I’m not a bleeder.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I got her and I love her little wiggly squiggly silly pants walk, and I didn’t bleed usually, and it’s mostly my fault for indulging her behavior, but still. This should serve as a warning before you get a puppy, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE ENERGY!

And can manipulate others into helping you without the indignancy to say ‘it’s your dog’ if you’re gonna call her YOUR dog then she’s YOUR responsibility.
The secret to getting them to help, however, I will give you now.
Outlast them
Maybe you hear the dog crying to go out, maybe if they ask you DON’T hear the dog crying to go out.
Maybe YOU sleep very soundly and just never hear that little thing howling.
Or maybe YOU didn’t see her potty on the floor.

All of these possibilities can help you get out of don’t things. Act ignorant.

And always pray that you don’t get a dog with EPS (excitable peeing syndrome) It’s a real thing, it’s a real problem, and it is VERY hard to explain to strangers why your dog just peed on their shoes.